Previously in Counselor's Corner the topic of bullying was covered. We know that there are different forms of bullying from physical, verbal, cyber, and relational along with knowing a bully is attempting to gain power in a situation. Often a bully is a person trying to gain control in their life by attempting to take control of another’s. Knowing that ultimately this is creating a power imbalance it is important to know as a parent that you have to support your child, whether he/she/they are the bully or the bullied.
One of the best tools in supporting your child is to model how to regulate during those tough interactions, this is called co-regulation. To completely understand how to co-regulate it is essential that in times where you have unpleasant feelings, such as anger, annoyance, sadness, anxiety, etc. are to be aware of your reaction. Ask yourself: “Am I having reactions that are inappropriate like yelling or punching?” or “Am I snapping on my kid when they are pushing my buttons?” This can help you become aware of your actions. Next, you can make sure to communicate with your child through your conflict resolutions. When you have these resolutions it’s important to validate feelings that were felt but also address unacceptable behaviours. When practicing this ensure that you tie in a moment to problem solve better reactions. An example would be: “It looks like you were feeling overwhelmed and angry with the situation and you felt like hitting was the only choice you had at this moment but hitting hurts. What is a better way we can deal with these big feelings the next time you have them?”
When you validate and then problem solve it encourages the child to self-regulate and critical think during times of stress. This tool can help them respond better to bullies or can help those who are more likely to have aggression think before potentially bullying!
