On March 10, I offered a Question Box service that we co-created with questions that you asked. I so appreciated the many questions! If you missed the service, you can watch it here.
There is never enough time to reflect on all the questions in the service, so I read them all and use the for ideas for future topics. There was one question that I thought might be helpful to address this week.
The question was: What is considered a spiritual concern appropriate for pastoral/ministerial help and what is not?
The quick answer is that any spiritual concern is appropriate for pastoral help or counseling. Spiritual needs and concerns usually relate to the "big" questions of life, and might be questions like:
Why is this happening? Why is it happening to me?
What does it all mean?
How do I feel about changes in my life?
What gives me comfort and hope?
What are my core values and beliefs?
How do I make sense of what I learned in a different religious tradition?
What am I grateful for?
Who is my "beloved community" -- who loves me and is loved by me, no matter what?
What or who -- beyond myself -- do I believe is important in my life?
The premise of pastoral care is that we are whole people who need tending to our body, mind and spirit. The belief is that we have resources and can determine the answers for ourselves. The power lies in the relationship and the authority is with the person seeking pastoral counseling.
In spiritual counseling, I may ask: what are your beliefs about yourself, about others, about relationships, about something greater than yourself? What does this situation mean to you? What spiritual resources can you use to help you remember that you are whole and holy? That may include things like music, prayer, meditation, nature, friends, pets, sacred readings or texts.
Pastoral counseling is not therapy; there is no assumption of a disorder or disease. While there may be techniques or tools used by a minister for pastoral counseling, the focus is on the resources that the person brings to the relationship. Unlike therapy, pastoral counseling doesn’t usually involve problem solving.
So, when someone contacts me for pastoral care or counseling, I ask them what they believe the spiritual question is. If there is no spiritual question and they are interested in counseling or therapy, I offer a referral. While I have been a therapist in years past, I no longer do that work and it is not part of my ministry now.
The one limit that I place on pastoral counseling is that I meet with a person up to three times. If further care is needed, I will refer them to a therapist or spiritual director.
So, what is spiritual direction? Spiritual direction is a relational process in which a trained spiritual guide/director listens to and companions someone who desires a deeper relationship with something greater than themselves. A spiritual director listens and may ask questions intended to help with discernment and clarity.
Last, OUUC has a robust Pastoral Care Team. The team is made up of OUUC members who are called to offer a ministry of presence to those in the congregation who are experiencing a life transition or illness. The PCT members extend the care of the minister and are vital to how we care for each other in a congregation this large. PCT members are trained and meet with me monthly for discussion, problem-solving, and support.
If you want to meet with me for pastoral counseling or for any other reason, please email me, and we will find a time that works.
May your questions be rich, and your quest for answers offer you a path to wisdom.
Blessings on your week.
Rev. Mary
Minister@ouuc.org
