Grief and Loss Resources

Death is an inevitable part of life, but talking about it can be difficult and painful. Death occurs in many ways, sudden, expected, prolonged, and accidental.

The tragic death of a family member or close friend has a powerful and upsetting impact on us. It is difficult to imagine how someone who seems energetic, outgoing and positive could be gone and that can leave us feeling confused, shaken, and vulnerable.

It is important to recognize that we all deal with grief and loss in different ways, and at an individualized pace. There is no one "right" way to respond. It can be very helpful during this time to reach out to others in whatever in whatever ways feel comfortable. This might include connecting with friends and family, or perhaps trained professionals.

When a tragic loss occurs, you will experience normal reactions to the experience that you have had. Some reactions might include:

• Fatigue
• Insomnia
• Underactivity
• Nightmares
• Exhaustion
• Hyperactivity
• Changes in appetite
• Digestion problems
• Headaches

1. Breathe. When we get tense we tend to hold our breath or have short, shallow breaths. First, just notice that you are breathing and then try slowing it down, breathing more into your belly, and exhaling a little longer than you inhale.

2. Move your body. This doesn’t have to be a sport (but it can be) — take a walk, do a push up, dance, or try cleaning (strange, but it can help).

3. Express yourself. Write, draw, organize, listen to/play music, or anything else that lets you express yourself without having to talk to someone.

4. Make room for whatever feelings are coming up. If you try to push them away, they’ll likely push back harder. Feelings change and they won’t last forever. If the feelings come up at a time when you really can’t give them space, like a work meeting, remind yourself to check back in with them when you can.

5. Be kind — to yourself. Grievers tend to give themselves a really hard time for not doing grief right — whatever that “right” might be. Remind yourself you’re doing the best you can in the moment and that it’s okay you’re having a hard time.

6. Be a good friend — to yourself. Experiment with telling yourself you can do this, even if you don’t know what you’re doing. You might be feeling emotions you’ve never had before or doing things in life for the first time and all of it is happening without the person who died. Take a moment to acknowledge how new and different this is and tell yourself, “Even if I’m overwhelmed right now, I will figure this out.” And then...

7. Ask for help. We know, this one can be really hard and scary to do. Keep it simple and remember that people usually want to help, they are just waiting to be asked.

8. Take time to celebrate whatever is going well. When you’re grieving it can be hard to make space for feeling good. You might feel guilty if you find yourself laughing or having a good time. Taking a break from grief doesn’t mean you love or miss the person any less.

Have a tip? Safe2Say continues to operate over the summer months. Contact the Safe2Say Hotline. Students and parents can anonymously report threats and concerns through call, text or through the app.

Call 1-844-SAF2SAY

Download the app by searching SAFE2SAYPA

Report online at SAFE2SAYPA.org