We all know that the last few years have been unlike anything we have experienced before. Our kids learn so much about being a good friend, being polite, and solving problems by interacting with each other and learning to recognize the facial expressions/emotions of others. The last 3 years we were not playing together as much, we were keeping our distance from others, and masks were hiding our facial expressions and emotions. And sometimes you just make mistakes, we all do, but taking responsibility is so important to maintaining good relationships.
At Harborview we use something called Restorative Practices to help our students take responsibility for their actions and to help us better understand how our actions affect others. When there is a conflict between students I will start by bringing the students involved together. There is usually someone who did some kind of harm (it could be physical or it could be emotional) and there is a student who was harmed. Each person is given the opportunity, with guidance, to answer these questions.
The student accused of doing harm is asked 1. What happened? 2. What were you thinking of at the time? 3. What have you thought about since? 4. Who has been affected by what you have done and in what way? 5. What do you think you need to do to make things right?
The student who was harmed is asked 1. What did you think when you realized what had happened? 2. What impact has this incident had on you and others? 3. What has been the hardest thing for you? 4. What do you think needs to happen to make things right? These are asked in kid appropriate ways based on age.
The valuable learning that occurs is that the students realize that their actions affect others and they also have to take responsibility for their part. And sometimes the student who was harmed realizes they also played a part in harming. It is a powerful experience and in the end our goal is to restore relationships so that students feel safe and heard.
I share all of this so that you understand how we work with students who, like all of us, sometimes make poor decisions or act out of emotion. The important thing is that we learn from these mistakes so that we can all make better choices next time. There will always be events that challenge us, it is how we handle the challenge that makes the difference.
