Effective behavior management, whether for an entire campus or a classroom, is nothing short of a well-coordinated dance. Every move is pre-planned and timed so everyone is in place when the music stops.
Individual student behavior management, especially for our more challenging kids, is much more like a poker game. You only know the cards you hold and, if you're lucky enough, how to read the other person's "tells" and how they typically play their cards.
So, when a student begins to escalate, how do you respond? In a typical situation, we have to "ante" or respond with an offer of assistance or a directive. If the student responds by "calling" or responding appropriately, the hand is done, and you can show your cards. Sometimes, the student will up the ante and push back. This is when you must rely on your knowledge of your hand and what you know about the student.
Is it always worth it to match them every time they raise the stakes until you're all in? Sometimes, it's about knowing when to walk away and follow up later when both sides have achieved emotional regulation. When we try too hard to "win" in a situation against our students, we end up escalating a situation unnecessarily. Spending too much time engaging in a battle of wills with a student sends a message to that student and the others in the class that the misbehavior occurring at that moment is more important than the lesson or activity that should be happening.
This doesn't mean that we don't correct misbehavior. We address it in the moment every time, but if you can see that the behavior is likely to escalate, let the student know that you will revisit it at a later time, such as after class or when students have started on independent practice. Doing this minimizes the attention in the moment and lets the student know that it was noticed and will be addressed.
In every hand, you gotta know when to hold 'em and know when to fold 'em.
