December 2021
Provided by your School Counselors:
Ann Renn - BHS
Stacey Endicott - BHS
Joe Bavlnka - BHS
Christina Olson - JYMS
Laurie Kowalke - JYMS
John Davies - East and West
Rylee McCarthy - GLW and NF
Brianna Capesius - ABE
In the Compass Model of Wellness below, there are four sectors of our life that contribute to our wellness and two areas under each sector. All of these areas are interconnected to support our overall well-being. The authors of the Compassion Resilience toolkit have chosen to use the Compass Model of Wellness based on the work of Dr. Scott and Holly Stoner of Samaritan Family Wellness Center in Wisconsin. With their permission and guidance, we have adapted it from its original form for use in the public school setting.
What are we talking about?
Self-Compassion: Compassion is a two-way street! Just as we have come to understand that we cannot fully love others without loving ourselves, we cannot maintain a compassionate approach towards others if we do not practice self-compassion. Self-compassion is extending kindness to ourselves in instances of perceived inadequacy, failure, or our own general suffering. When we consistently approach people with compassion, the outcome can be satisfaction, burnout or secondary (vicarious) trauma. The goal of this toolkit is for us to grow the experience of satisfaction and lessen burnout and secondary trauma.
Burnout refers to the exhaustion of physical or emotional strength or motivation usually as a result of prolonged stress related to very high workload, non-supportive work environment, and/or feeling that our efforts make no difference. Secondary Trauma (also known as secondary traumatic stress and vicarious trauma) can happen to us when we come to know the traumatically stressful events that the students we serve have experienced. Some helpers experience some of the same symptoms of trauma as if the experience had happened to them. Those who are in a position to hear about trauma on a regular basis are particularly susceptible.
We will be using compassion fatigue as an umbrella term for both burnout and secondary trauma.
Compassion Fatigue can be summed up as the feelings of depression, sadness, exhaustion, anxiety and irritation that may be experienced by people who are helpers in their work and/or personal life. It is important to note that compassion fatigue is a normal response to the complex and overwhelming situations we might find in the workplace and hear about from those we serve. Rather than thinking of compassion fatigue as something to be avoided or fixed, it may be more powerful to figure out how to feed and grow our “compassion resilience.”
Compassion Resilience is the ability to maintain our physical, emotional and mental well-being while responding compassionately to people who are suffering. Think of this resilience as a reservoir of well-being that we can draw upon on difficult days and in difficult situations. It allows us to be present and effective in challenging situations, as well as on those days when everything goes right.
Test How Self-Compassionate You Are
What Were Your Childhood Messages About Self-Care?
Throughout the toolkit we will share examples of self-care strategies while we are looking at the important organizational support for compassion. As we think about our self-care practices, it is helpful to reflect on how our childhood upbringing may be playing a role in our adult self-care behaviors and thought patterns. Here are some questions to help us reflect:
How has your cultural upbringing influenced your philosophy around self-care? Some of us come from cultures that tell us “Work hard, play hard,” while some of us grew up hearing “Work hard, then work harder.” There are also cultures that have different messages for different genders; for example, telling men that they should relax, while expecting women to clean and tidy or prepare food during down-time. What are the norms for self-care from your cultural heritage?
What responsibilities did you have during childhood, and how have they shaped you now? Did you have the standard chores like washing dishes or taking out the trash? Were you expected to take care of younger siblings or run family errands such as grocery shopping? Did you also have obligations to help with the family business or otherwise support your family financially? How did these responsibilities shape your thoughts and behaviors as an adult?
Did you experience any trauma in your childhood that may be preventing effective self-care now? This is a deeply personal question, so be thoughtful if you are reflecting in a group setting. Some of you may have gone through childhood abuse, neglect, witnessed domestic violence, or forced to take on emotional responsibilities such as playing counselor to your parents, among other things that kids shouldn’t have to endure. These traumas, if unresolved, may significantly block your self-care and may require counseling to work through.
How do your childhood experiences affect the way you perceive other people’s self-care?
What messages are you passing on to the people around you, especially kids? Besides thinking about how our childhood and cultural upbringing affect our self-care practices, we can also think about how our self-care practices and philosophies may be affecting the people around us, including our kids.
